How to Support a Loved One Dealing with Trauma and PTSD

When a loved one is dealing with trauma, especially complex trauma (C-PTSD) from prolonged abuse or childhood trauma, they often face difficult, lingering side effects that affect relationships and personal well-being. Understanding trauma’s impact and learning supportive ways to help them can make a significant difference.

​Here’s a guide on how to support someone dealing with trauma, the side effects they may experience, common relationship issues, and how therapy can help.

Understanding Complex Trauma and Its Side Effects

​Complex trauma, often resulting from repeated, prolonged experiences such as childhood abuse, neglect, or domestic violence, has lasting effects on mental, emotional, and physical health.

Those with PTSD or complex trauma can experience:

• Flashbacks: Sudden, intense memories that feel like reliving the trauma.
• Hypervigilance: Constantly feeling on edge or alert, even in safe situations.
• Emotional Dysregulation: Difficulty managing emotions, leading to sudden anger, sadness, or anxiety.
• Dissociation: Feeling disconnected from oneself or reality, often as a way to escape pain.
• Difficulty Trusting: Attachment issues often develop, making relationships challenging.

Common Relationship Issues When a Loved One Is Traumatized

Trauma doesn’t just affect the individual; it can strain relationships. Some common issues include:

1. Communication Barriers: Trauma survivors may find it hard to express feelings, leading to misunderstandings. They might suppress their emotions and struggle to communicate them to their partner, or become overwhelmed by their emotions and rely heavily on their partner to help regulate them emotionally. 
2. Fear of Intimacy: Intimacy may trigger memories of abuse or neglect, making it challenging to connect emotionally or physically.
3. Trust Issues: Trauma survivors may struggle with trusting others, leading to a push-pull dynamic.
4. Avoidance Behaviors: Avoiding certain activities or places due to triggers can limit shared experiences.
5. Emotional Distance or Dependency: Survivors may become withdrawn or self-isolating, leaving partners feeling disconnected. Conversely, they may also become hyper-dependent on their partner and/or friends to meet the needs that were unmet in childhood.

How to Support a Loved One with Trauma

1. Educate Yourself on Trauma and PTSD: Understanding what trauma is and how it affects the brain and behavior can build empathy. Knowing that certain responses stem from past experiences can prevent personalizing behavior that may feel confusing or hurtful. Realize that your loved one's behavior is likely stemming from their unhealed pain rooted in childhood, while still maintaining boundaries around behavior that is harmful to your wellbeing.
2. Practice Active Listening: Show you’re there to listen without judgment. Let them know you’re open to hearing about their experiences if they’re comfortable. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or trying to fix their pain.
3. Respect Their Boundaries: Trauma survivors may have specific boundaries to feel safe. Respect their need for space and don’t push for physical or emotional closeness if they’re not ready.
4. Avoid Triggers When Possible: Familiarize yourself with their triggers. Avoid bringing up certain topics, places, or behaviors that might cause them distress. Respect their need to avoid certain environments or conversations.
5. Encourage and Support Therapy: Therapy, especially trauma-focused approaches like EMDR, CBT, or somatic therapy, can be crucial in recovery. Express your support for their therapeutic journey and encourage them to stick with it, even when it gets difficult.
6. Model Consistent, Supportive Behavior: Trauma can make people wary of inconsistency. By being a steady, reliable presence, you can help them feel secure over time. Simple acts like following through on promises or being emotionally present can make a significant difference.
7. Take Care of Your Own Mental Health: The healthier you are, the better you'll be able to offer support to your loved one. Set boundaries around behaviors that are harmful to your wellbeing, and prioritize your own self-care. Often, when one partner models healthy behavior, the other partner begins to respond positively and feels more secure in the relationship. Supporting someone with trauma can be draining. It’s crucial to seek support for yourself through therapy, support groups, or self-care practices.

Therapy: The Role It Plays in Healing and How You Can Support It

Therapy offers valuable tools for trauma survivors, helping them process past experiences, learn coping strategies, and improve self-awareness. Trauma therapy often involves:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Helps process trauma memories by reducing their emotional charge.
• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Aids in identifying and challenging unhelpful thought patterns.
• Somatic Therapy: Focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body, helping the person feel safer within themselves.
• Attachment-Focused Therapy: Helps survivors learn healthy attachment behaviors and address past relationship issues. If you're in a romantic relationship with a partner struggling with the effects of PTSD, looking for a trauma informed counselor with an attachment-based approach can be helpful!

You can support their therapy by showing interest, but don’t pry. Therapy sessions are often emotionally draining, and they may need time to process afterward without discussing details. 

Final Thoughts: Patience and Compassion Go a Long Way

Your patience, understanding, and love are invaluable as your loved one works towards recovery. Many times, survivors of childhood trauma in particular have rarely had the experience of being loved and seen for who they are. Learning to receive, reciprocate, and understand what healthy love looks like is a crucial part of recovery from childhood trauma.

By learning about the effects of trauma, practicing empathy, and supporting their therapy journey, you can be a powerful source of comfort and strength. Remember to care for yourself as well; supporting a loved one with trauma can be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding to witness their growth and resilience.